Life is Good
Before I got married, I was a pro at scriptures and prayer. Like a pro. I never (usually never) went without a night, or morning of studying. And I was always praying. Always giving thanks to my Heavenly Father for all of the people, things, blessings he put into my life. When I got married..I guess I was under the assumption that I could still be spiritually strong and not have to have my OWN personal scripture time. Looking back now that seems like such a silly thought. But when I was first married I guess I just thought Colin would fulfill all of those other things, and we would do it together. The thought never even crossed my mind that I needed to still have my personal study as well as companionship study. Colin and I did great (and are still good) at reading together, and saying prayers together. But that's where my PERSONAL study faltered. I guess finding the right balance between MY STUDY and OUR STUDY was hard. I didn't recognize it at first. But then I slowly realized that my PERSONAL study is just as, if not more, important to keep doing. It's my tank. It's my life. I still struggle to read consistently. I think this is one of the main reasons I have felt "not myself." I don't feel spiritually strong. I know how it used to be, how I used to feel when I was reading on a consistent basis. When I was just me. And I could invest all my time on ME. But I don't (and wouldn't want) have that luxury anymore. If it were just ME again, that would mean i wouldn't have mayli and colin...my world. So I will just have to figure out balance. You'd think after almost 3 years of marriage I would have figured it out. That's why it's part of my quest.
I never thought that the transition into marriage was that hard. In retrospect, there are so many things I let slip, because I failed to see. Failed to find the balance between ME and WE. So now I'm trying to find it. Three years later. Realizing I am still my own individual IN a marriage. Realizing that there are things I can achieve with colin, but also realizing there are some things I still need to continue doing on my own.
12 comments:
thanks for posting this, i feeling like this often. And even after acknowledging why i don't feel right or feel like myself I still have a hard time being consistant in personal scripture study. and i still struggle to find myself as an individual even after 5 years of marriage. it's good to know i'm not the only one who struggles with this.
I still struggle too, Ginny. Personal scripture study, when you CANNOT make a consistent schedule due the fact that other (very important) people are now factored in, is difficult.. Someone told me to get up earlier and do it then...4:30 am? I think not! Sleep deprivation is not good either. Just hang in there, do the best you can and the Lord knows the desires of your heart... thank goodness. Balance is one of the hardest things I personally struggle with. Good luck!
One funny thing: I pray for time to have personal scripture study and I'll pick up a magazine or sit down to watch a show on TV and the thought immediately comes to mind about my prayer... almost like the Lord is telling me, "how about now?" I can just see Him with a little grin on His face. Most of the time I go read my scriptures knowing that time is a gift from Him.
at least it has only been 3 years and not longer...cause it could have been. good thoughts. if you get on it you will reunite with your spiritual self before long! :)
So interesting that you just posted this Ginny. I had just had a talk with the boys on Sunday morning that we ALL need to get back to daily scripture study. For the past year we have had daily scripture study together and individually. Now that Brian has been baptized we have slacked off. You are not alone. We all need to do our "daily tasks". Thanks for the post!
Good reminder Ginny. Thanks for sharing.
Very well said! I've been, I guess, trying to find myself lately too. I've enjoyed reading your posts and relating to them. I also realized that regular scripture study is an important part of that too. I need to do better!
your artical is so funny!! it make me so happy!! .............................................
That is exactly how I am feeling! I don't feel like I am as spiritually in tune as I was before i got married because I let my personal scripture study slide and had the same feelings you do. Thanks for being able to put it into words. That was very inspiring! Also, I heard about Chuck Woodward today. I am so sorry. Send your family my love and condolences.
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Well begun is half done. ............................................................
今天是人生唯一生存的時間。 ............................................................
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